smiles’ blog—不列颠

I have been blocked

论文似乎就是这么炼成的。。。

在网上看到了这篇文章，比较有意思，但是比较难翻译出确切意思。

Just a joke

A Dog Named Sex

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/namedsex.asp

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Boy.” I call mine “Sex.”

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one too.” Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.” He said, “You must have been quite a kid!”

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, “Every room in the place is for sex.” I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too.”

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on T.V.” He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me too.”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”

My case comes up Friday.

在国内的人不是一般的懒。。。

我发现回国的同学，在国内都懒于更新blog，重新回到海外的人才会继续更新。。。

虽然在国内的时候反而时间更充裕些。

或许是因为国内的生活更充实更丰富吧。

YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN…

You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work.

Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

You’d rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.

“Oh shit how did it get so late!” comes out of your mouth at least once a night.

Parents’ cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas especially neighbours and Hollyoaks.

You know the pizza boy by name and don’t even need to read the menu.

You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.

You live for getting mail.

Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

Prank phone calls become funny again.

You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern.

Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.

Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.

The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday.

BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN…

That it didn’t matter how late my first lecture was, I’d still sleep through it.

That I could change so much and barely realize it.

That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

No matter how ‘cool’ you were in school, no one here cares.

That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.

That every clock on campus shows a different time.

That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn’t matter here.

That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.

That you can know everything and fail a test.

That you can know nothing and ace a test.

That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.

That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.

That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that’s still funny……!

That Sunday is a figment of the world’s imagination.

That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.

That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.

That it’s possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.

Don’t be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.

TOP 10 REASONS THAT UNIVERSITY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL

10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to cheese toasties.

Squirrel Trouble

松鼠问题

      Claim:   Frozen squirrels have been used for criminal purposes.

                冷冻的松鼠被用于犯罪

      Status:   True.
                真实

      Origins:   While even a cursory study of criminal behavior will uncover instances of animals having been employed as weapons (e.g., snakes used in holdups), in a couple of unusual cases not only have squirrels been wielded by the ill-intentioned, but the critters were frozen ones at that.

起源：尽管一个粗略的犯罪行为研究发现动物被用做武器（比如在抢劫中使用蛇），在一些不常见的案例中，不仅用到了松鼠，而且用到了冷冻的松鼠。

      In 1994 in Lorain, Ohio, frozen squirrels were listed among the tools of trade used by two men and a teenager in their attempts to steal tire rims from a parked car. The trio would fling said frosted rodents at barking dogs to distract the canines from raising the alarm as they worked.

      1994年，Lorian，俄亥俄州，冷冻的松鼠作为工具列入2个成年人和一个少年的购物单，在他们试图从一辆车上偷走轮胎外框时。这个“三人组合”说 在他们“工作”时，冻僵的啮齿动物是用来吸引犬科动物注意力的。

      In 1991, frozen squirrels were used to bludgeon a woman in Sacramento, California. Kao Khae Saephan, an immigrant from Laos, repeatedly struck his wife with six frozen squirrels he retrieved from the family freezer, rendering the poor woman unconscious. (As to why the couple had these rodents in their freezer, it’s because squirrel meat is a component of some Laotian dishes.) The irate husband was jailed on suspicion of spousal abuse, and Mrs. Saephan filed for divorce.

    1991年，在加州，冷冻的松鼠被用棒击一个妇女。K.K.S, 老挝移民，重复的用6个冷冻的松鼠击打他的妻子，直到这个可怜的女人不省人事。松鼠是从他们家的冰柜里拿出来的。（至于为什么这对夫妇会在家用冰柜里放这么多松鼠呢？ 是因为松鼠肉是一些老挝人盘子的组成部分。）这位发怒的丈夫被以家庭暴力的嫌疑关押，而他的妻子也提出了离婚。

      Iced squirrels, by the way, are a menace even when not being used in criminal endeavors. In 2005, British insurance company Norwich Union paid off on an claim for damage done to a vehicle by a frozen squirrel that had fallen from a tree ?the iced rodent crashed through the windshield and landed on the passenger seat.

    顺便说，冻僵的松鼠即使不被用于犯罪，也是一种危险物。2005年，英国的保险公司 N.U. 赔偿了一份由于冻僵了的松鼠从树上掉下来造成的车辆损失，冻僵的松鼠从树上掉下来，砸穿了挡风玻璃，落在了座位上。

The URL for this page is http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/squirrel.asp

      Urban Legends Reference Pages ?1995-2007
      by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
      This material may not be reproduced without permission.
       

         Sources:
            Associated Press.   “Frozen Squirrels Part of Thieves’ Tools.”
            Columbus Dispatch.   16 February 1994.
            Associated Press.   “Man Suspected of Hitting Wife with Frozen
        Squirrel.”
            16 December 1991.
            Birmingham Post.   “A Frozen Squirrel Smashed My Car.”
            7 February 2006   (p. 7).

I will back to China very soon……

http://foxbok.blogsome.com/2006/12/23/p105/

圣诞节到了。

每个人都有每个人有不同的过法，除了基督徒是要纪念庆祝上帝耶稣的生日之外，一帮同学朋友可以借此机会外出腐败，小朋友可以假装相信圣诞老人撒娇索要礼物，同事可以借此机会互送圣诞卡来处理复杂的人际关系，商店可以借此机会开派对酒会搞特卖专场赚钱，情侣可以借此机会共度浪漫平安夜，即使一个人依然可以听听陈奕迅的”Lonely Christmas”酝酿感情，所谓各取所需，皆大欢喜。倒也不是全都欢喜，当然还有很多不爽圣诞节的人，除了和上帝耶稣有仇的宗教人士，除了认为上帝不是12月25日诞生的宗教人士，除了反对砍伐圣诞树的绿色环保人士，除了反对寄送纸质圣诞卡的绿色环保人士，今年还冒出来十个博士发表了个声明《 走出文化集体无意识，挺立中国文化主体性–我们对”耶诞节”问题的看法》，认为圣诞节让”中国文化主体性”受到了损害。本来以为博士的水平应该高一点，但是看了之后觉得高出来的水平只是多用了几个书面词汇，观点还是没什么新意，翻译成口语，大意还是说：圣诞节不是我们的传统节日，我们又不是基督徒，过什么圣诞节，过圣诞节就是崇洋媚外，我们要抵制圣诞节。为啥说它没新意呢，因为同样的声明一百年多前就有了–”保护中原，驱逐洋寇”，还不都是一个意思，不过那个时候叫做《义和团告白》而已，所以这么看来传统确实是有传承性的。

在这些人的眼中，一种文化的兴盛就是对另一种文化的损害，此消彼长的关系，大概是存在”能量守恒”的。保持文化的主体性，就是要抵制别的文化，因为其它文化的发展是侵略，那怎样才叫包容呢，就是我是汉族，你们都是少数民族，我来保护你们，这样就叫做维持文化多样性了。如此挺立主体性，确实能在一定范围内主体起来，比如像金主席的主体思想在朝鲜境内那是绝对的主体，主体是主体了，实际上已经边缘化了。当初南韩”去中国化”不用中国字改汉城为首尔，倒不见这些人站出来赞扬他们维护民族文化主体性。说要树立民族自尊心，其实已经充满了民族自卑感，道理和现在提倡八荣八耻一样，那是因为社会寡廉鲜耻的东西太多了。

对于圣诞节，我觉得应该有不少人和我一样是”过也无妨，不过也无妨”的无所谓态度，看到圣诞树我会觉得好看有节日气氛但是不会主动去买个摆在家里，有人送圣诞卡圣诞祝福我会说谢谢但是想不起来要主动送给别人，有人请我吃圣诞大餐我会很高兴即使AA也不错但不会以此主动请别人，我之所以这样除了因为比较懒之外，也是觉得我们没有这样的传统没必要刻意去庆祝，但是有庆祝活动能乐在其中借机玩一玩高兴一下我也想不出有什么不好。一般人说祝你圣诞快乐，主要是祝你快乐而已，并没有牵扯到那个2千多年前出生的上帝，其实作为节日已经抽离了其中的宗教纪念意义。这与一般的纪念日是不同的，比如说圣诞过后是主席生日，不绝会有人会说祝你毛诞快乐这一类的话的。过不过圣诞节只是个人选择而已，并不是一个”2 B or not 2 B”的问题，非要上纲上线上升到维护文化主体性的高度来讨论，未免就太扫兴了。

不要以为外国人都是基督徒，有的并不相信上帝，但这并不妨碍他们享受圣诞节。圣诞节的宗教色彩已经大大淡化了，看到圣诞老人白胡子、红棉袄、驾驯鹿、钻烟囱的行头，大概不会有人联想到他的原型来自4世纪的一位好心主教圣尼古拉斯。

也不要以为圣诞节就是基督教创造的，实际上圣诞节一直被认为是一个基督教化的异教徒节日（Christenised pagan festival），因为12月25日是否是耶稣的出生日期存在很大的争议，且早期的教会并没有庆祝上帝生日的传统，罗马教会把它被选定为圣诞节是因为它是当时异教徒崇拜太阳神的日子，这样做有助于将异教徒的习俗基督化，所以有很多关于圣诞的习俗都是源于异教传统，因此某些极端保守的基督教派，仍旧把圣诞节看作没有圣经认可的异教徒节日，而拒绝过圣诞节。wiki上是这么说的：

教宗额我略一世没有试图去禁止流行的异教节日，而是允许基督教的教士对它们赋予基督教的意义重新解释，他允许了大部分的习俗继续存在，只是稍加修正，甚至保持原样。宗教及政府当局与庆祝者之间的交易使圣诞节得以继续。

这样来看，基督教当初并不是通过抵制异教节日来”挺立”自己的主体性的。

其实在外国也有因为宗教原因而抵制圣诞节的，不过不是为了维护某种文化的主体性，而是认为政府使用包括宗教主题的圣诞饰物是一种支持某种特定宗教的行为，有违信仰自由。动画片《南方公园》（South Park）第一季第10集就讲的就是这个事情。Kyle因为是犹太人，她妈妈认为犹太人过的是光明节（Channukah）而不应该过什么圣诞节，所以不让他参加学校的圣诞剧排演，他的朋友们也不和他一起玩圣诞游戏，所以只能一个人唱起了”A Lonely Jew on Christmas“。

后来人们到市政厅前抗议，犹太人认为表现耶稣诞生（Nativity）的表演冒犯了他们，神父认为如果要去掉基督就也要去掉圣诞老人，环保主义者认为要停止砍伐圣诞树等等，于是市长同意要重塑圣诞节，建立一个对任何宗教团体或少数族群不构成任何冒犯的圣诞节。发展到后来圣诞彩灯也不能挂了因为会冒犯色盲的人，五角星也被认为有宗教意味而摘除，所有的圣诞装饰都被移除了，圣诞剧也变成了由菲利普·格拉斯（ Philip Glass）演奏的极微主义乐派（minimalist）音乐配上现代舞。这时人们才觉得这样的一个圣诞节是多么的乏味和无趣。凡事太较真，就没什么意思了。毛主席教导我们，世界上怕就怕”认真”二字，有的时候”怕”是可怕的意思。

简单一些，祝大家圣诞快乐，不管你是谁。